I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
