I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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