and she was petting her beer can
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
