It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
