i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Boobs are out for the taking
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
