its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
