feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
