i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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