i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
