I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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