physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
