Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize