i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
