All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
