His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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