currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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