that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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