You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
