I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
