You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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