By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
