Will you blow on my dice?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
