Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
