I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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