Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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