Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
