i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
