I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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