It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
