The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
