I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just puked most of my soul out..
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize