drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
