I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
