I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
try to milk me bitch
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