he told me I talked like a deaf person
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
How's work?
Spinning.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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