I need to stop coming to work sober
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
