dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
