If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
