i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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