So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Randomize
