About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
