I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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