Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
