did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
