I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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