he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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