pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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