I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
