were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
And then he peed in my hair
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