I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
