the new term for farting is butt boxing.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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