hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
