My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Enjoy the penises
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
