Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
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