I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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