Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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