i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
