Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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