I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
