walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
