I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
