I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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