checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
