I must be too annoying 4 u.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
