When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
