bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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