my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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