i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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