Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
