considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
