considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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