Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
