I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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