if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
