I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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