I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
the condom got lost in my hair
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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