if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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