i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
