even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
