It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
